Weekly Flash #1 – Beetle Juice

Posted by on May 25, 2011 in Flash Fiction, Word of the Day | 12 comments

Here is the link to my first ever weekly (I hope) flash fiction, Beetle Juice. I might write another story that takes place in this world at some point because I find the magic system intriguing.

This was written and edited over the course of two days. I concentrated mostly on developing the magic system, so the characterization isn’t as strong as I’d like. I’d love to hear what you think, so please leave a comment if you feel inclined.

I’m going to try to put one up one of these every Wednesday. The next piece of flash will either be one about a man with a foot fetish, or a story based on the opening line I mentioned in this post about inspiration.


Ryan’s word of the day is pulchritudinous. Believe it or not, that huge, ugly-sounding word is an adjective meaning is beautiful.

12 Comments

  1. Love this idea, and I love the imagery of biting into the bug! Great job, and I look forward to more!

    • Thanks! It’s an interesting idea. There is, of course, more to it than I could get to in 1k words, but I like it as an introduction.

  2. I loved it! I also think very cool your husband has creative flow too :). Thanks for stopping into Immortality and Beyond for Splash Into Summer. I’m following you back.

    Have a great weekend,
    BK

    • Thank you! He has such creative ideas, but he says he doesn’t have the patience to write about them. It’s a shame, but at least he lets me use them. 😉

  3. I liked it. You write well, C! My only hiccup was one that came up afterward; why wouldn’t she already know her sister had that talent? How could he know (and presumably have taught her) and she not? I don’t know if you could change a couple of sentences here and there to tie that in somehow…but overall, it was engaging. Keep it up!

    • Thanks G! 🙂

      Yeah, there were a lot of character details that I wanted to add in but just couldn’t fit. I think this one only ended up with two words left over, though I kept trying to trim back.

      If I ever write a longer story in this world you’ll get the answers to those questions, because the main character of that story would be Calla’s sister.

  4. Finally commenting on the story. Not bad at all even though it seemed a touch long for flash but that could be just me. Of course there’s the title too. I haven’t read the other comments yet but it would seem likely someone will comment on it.

    If they all are this good maybe, after ten to twenty, you should put them in a e-book set and sell them that way.

    Okay I read the comments. Hmm, none about the title. But if I may say something about the comment about her knowing about her sister. As you said you can’t include everything but I have read published stories with details like that left out. I think the writers want the readers to provide their own reasons why. It’s possible she was just too wrapped up in her own lessons or too egotistical to consider it.

    • Well it’s obvious the title alludes to the movie from the 80’s, although the subjects are not at all the same. Using the same title as another work is allowed, provided that you don’t copy that work, which I haven’t. Originally the title was Dream Casters, but Beetle Juice occurred to me while I was editing and it made me giggle, so I decided to use it instead.

      I have been thinking of compiling them into a collection if I get enough of them that I like and that seem to work together thematically.

  5. I didn’t mean that as compliant. I just figured someone would say something. It does fit this story.

  6. I’m not averse to having to fill in details myself, as Louis pointed out is pretty much necessary in flash fiction. But the story has to allow me to come up with plausible backstory. So I was pointing out the sister thing because that snagged me from a plausibility point of view: sure, I can come up with a scenario in which Calla grew up not knowing she has a sister, but that’s an unusual situation–even if they were separated at birth, most people would know they had a sibling somewhere else–and for that I’d want a little help from the story to make it plausible. For example, “Calla’s hidden sister would be safe,…” — it gives just that hint that trouble has been gone to to keep these sisters from knowing about each other, perhaps by Aldo himself…well, just my 2 cents, as always! 🙂

  7. That was both thrilling and original – really enjoyed this. If I was to make one small criticism it would be the overwhelming of the guards seemed a little quick, would have been nice to get some details about just how powerful those lions were. Eager to find out what happens next though!

    • Thank you!

      I agree with your point about the guards, that was one aspect I was unhappy with. Unfortunately I just didn’t have any words left over. 🙁 I’m a little better at cutting out extra things now as I’ve had a few more weeks of practice, so maybe I’ll come back to this one soon and tighten it up.

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